A few weeks ago I started chapter two in my life. Okay, maybe chapter six? Honestly, I don't know what chapter it is, but it's another chapter. If you've been reading this thing you know it's because I started grad school in September! Wahoo! After a month of school I thought it would be appropriate to give you all an update of how this chapter is going.
I feel like so much has happened in such a short span of time. I've been to Toronto and Milwaukee, the former for school, the latter for fun. I've been to a planning conference already. I've turned in two papers, done 5 homework assignments, and read countless articles and books, all while learning some interesting and thought-provoking things, at least for me.
Anyone who will listen usually gets an earful about planning, mostly because I'm a grad student and there isn't much more to my life right now. If I'm not writing a homework assignment, I'm usually reading something to help write the next one. I spend a lot of time on campus and a lot of time on the bus going to campus. I talk Janel's ear off before school and after school and sometimes will jump into a commentary on something we were discussing in class because the way the wind blew through the trees reminded me of some planning theory.
I've struggled a few times too. There are times where I wonder, did I make the right choice? Is it a good idea to be flat broke, studying theories about cities and legal aspects of land when I could be safely seated at my desk in Dearborn doing an event for admissions? I think it probably is. Mostly because of how a small detail launches me into thought about something we talked about in class. Mostly because I've finished all my readings for class and regularly do. Mostly because I'm interested in doing a great job on my paper, not for a grade, but so that I know how to do it in practice. These are new phenomena for me. I didn't used to care so much.
True, the cubicle in Dearborn was a much safer place. I knew what I'd be doing for the day. I knew the people I would interact with in a day. I knew that I had a good grasp on what I was doing and I knew that at the end of the day I'd receive a paycheck for my services. But, I don't think it was satisfying. I spent many hours in the day reading articles about things I was interested in. I spent many hours staring at the computer, wondering what I could possibly do to make things better. I stressed about stupid details I had no control over, and then was reprimanded for not taking care of those same things.
I received a few emails from former colleagues after the open house two Saturdays ago. They missed me. I thought of things I would have done to make that event run smoothly. While I might be good at planning events, it isn't my passion. And it doesn't change enough to ever feel like I'm making an impact. Maybe I'm still a bit naive or idealistic, but I still want to do something that has an impact on others. I didn't draw a big enough connection with admission events. Those events only impact the people with the money to attend.
I was recently told that the things we are most passionate about are not always the easiest things to do. I've been challenged by the amount of reading and the depth of the reading in my program. I've been challenged by writing assignments and by the difficulty in finding a job and finding my niche. I've been challenged by making friends and fitting in. I've been challenged by the idea that sometimes you really have to work to get what you want. You can get good things without putting in the work, but it won't be quite as satisfying as when you sweat and you cry and when you question if you made the right choice. Dearborn was a good thing. It was easy. But it was never going to be satisfying in the way I need my job to be satisfying.
Like a road trip, its not usually the destination that is most memorable. The woman at the Pizza Hut in Gallup, New Mexico, the flooded highway in Nebraska, the frozen car in Oklahoma; these are the things that make the trip memorable, distinguishable. If every trip were simple, you jump in the car, drive and get there, we'd never have stories to tell. There's the old cliche about needing to learn something along the way. That by having a flat tire on your trip, you now know next time to make sure your spare is filled with air. But, it's not even about learning something. Life would be simply be boring without the story of the journey. We can all have a safe trip. It would be boring, uneventful, and vanilla. We could do that our whole life. And we'd always make it to our destination.
I believe we need to embrace the challenges, take some risks, and most of all, stop for that giant ball of twine on the road. These events are where we live. Would I love to have more cash right now? Yes. Would I love to know my retirement fund was growing and my savings was growing and that I had money to take a trip if I wanted? Yes. But right now, I'm in school. I'm having an adventure every day in class. I'm having an adventure every day on the bus. I'm having an adventure every time I see something new or do something different or learn a new idea. Like driving down the same road every day for years, I'm happy that I took a different route. I'm going someplace different. I just don't know where yet.
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